The Abliut Golf Society

Abliut vs Shockers -Ryder Cup - July 2011

Twenty-four finely tuned athletes. Two fiercely competitive teams.

One cup- The Kummel Cup.

Almost a year to the day since captain at the time, David Wright, sent members of Abliut into a frenzy of excitement with the idea of a Ryder Cup style match against a fellow society, two societies descended on a wet and windy Leatherhead golf course to contest the inaugural Kummel Cup.

Surely not even Samuel Ryder could have imagined the take off of the Ryder Cup style format when he put his name to what would become one of world sports most iconic events. Over the years, the Ryder Cup has thrown up countless moment of drama and excitement, would the Abliut versus the Shockers eclipse it all?

Preparations for the big day would have run the Royal Wedding pretty close, with no stone left unturned. A special scoring system, introduced to enable players to track the full set of results at the lick of a button, being the highlight.

Half the Shockers team had spent the previous day down at Royal
St Georges, perhaps their insight into links golf would pay dividends on what was proving a treacherous day weather-wise. Meanwhile, the Abliut lads were under curfew, tucked up in bed by 9pm with a mug of camomile tea and hot water bottle in place. A more disciplined set of lads you would fail to find anywhere.

Pristinely turned out in shirts and branded ties, the Shockers laid down the first marker as the Abliut arrived in dribs and drabs. Bob Ford, usually first man to arrive, somehow mistook Leatherhead for Liverpool on his A to Z and arrived shortly before tee off. Was this a sign of things to come! The look
on Stan's face as he saw his beloved Abliut out-attired was almost too much for him to take. Searsy attempted to sooth the blow by pulling out Kummel Cup branded tops for the team. Thankfully, the rumours emerging earlier in the week about skin tight tops proved unfounded.

 The first tee was an unusually serious place as tee off approached: none of the usual photoshootsc and the banter kept to a minimum. Was this a sign the opposition meant business or were the Abliut boys feeling the pressure of representing such an institution!

As the first match prepared to get us underway, a contemplative mood swept through the group. Would Brains get his big bertha out? Those of us on his stag do were hoping not! Would Dave Wright, the skipper for the day, banish the memories of his play off loss a few years ago and hold his nerve to lead the Abliut to a famous victory?

Drive after drive flew straight down the centre of the first hole making a mockery of the pressure cooker situation, not to mention the precarious conditions. Suspicions soon arose amongst the Abliut when one of the Shockers sent a missile of a drive soaring into the grey skies above, a shot Tiger would have been proud of. Wow, what's “ he playing off?”, I asked. “twenty-two” came the reply!

The first few holes were fairly evenly contested. HQ and Abliut's guest player, Jack, who had endeared himself to the team with offerings of kit, were holding their own.

Over on the third hole, Brains was incredibly to be seen discussing golf tactics with fellow partner Daves, himself sporting a beard groomed especially for the occasion. Brain's enthusiasm was a sight to behold. Whether he would have quite the same passion come the thirteenth hole was quite another matter (that is whether winning or losing his match! ) Stanny was finding life tough out there, failing to acknowledge a wave. Perhaps the whole tie saga had just become too much for him.

Walking on a golf course is often a fairly dangerous pastime, but the level of alert is significantly raised during Abliut competitions, with locals within a 5 mile radius pre-warned to be vigilant and alert at all times, and to only venture outside in case of emergencies. Balls fly down adjacent fairways or even fairways beyond that, the sound of ball on oak frequently reverberates around the course followed promptly by expletives. Making my way down across the third and onto the fourth fairway, I came across two of the Schockers. “How things going?” I asked. “1 up”, came the reply, a wide smile
beaming across his face. More of interest to me was where the hell our team was. Sure enough, a few minutes later out popped Humpo and Whito from behind the bushes.

At the half way mark, the sun had broken through the clouds and those treacherous early holes seemed an age away. Things weren't looking quite as bright for the boys in white (Abliut). The Shockers were up in four, down in one, with the other match all square. Still there was time to turn it round. Nevs and Stanny had now clawed themselves in front and were playing some delicate stuff, not a word you would generally associate with these two characters. Nevsy, sporting cream shorts, looked more like he was off shooting in the Kenyan outback than trudging round a golf course. Stanny wore a more relaxed expression by now despite the fact he was deprived of a bacon sandwich at the closed half way hut.

By the fourteenth, it was quickly becoming clear that the Shockers were stretching their lead. Indeed one or two matches were wrapped up soon after. Furthermore, a punch of the air by the Shockers' first pairing signalled they had fought their way back into the game and further compounded
the misery on the Abliut.

Still, surrendering is not part of the Abliut's make up and the lads played right the end. Even more to their credit, no clubs were wrapped around trees (that I saw anyway), a story that could have been different had our Australian member, Cairnsy, graced the pitch of battle.

In the bar afterwards, after a sumptuous meal of egg, ham and chips - Abliut's staple diet, the opposition skip was graciously awarded the trophy and congratulated on a fine win, but warned at the same time that things would be different next year. All in all, a cracking day and the first of many battles between the two societies. Don't write off the Abliut next year, we'll learn from this and be back stronger, leaner and hungrier. 

Battle resumes in 2012

News ! News ! News !

Watch this space for the latest news and member updates

Spring Abliut 2011 - Words from the scribe

 "For better for worse, for richer for poorer, til death do us part.” When Benjamin ‘Connor’ Bailey relays these very words at his upcoming wedding, he could be forgiven if his thoughts momentarily drift toward the travails of his year at the helm of the Abliut. Captaining this motley crew, as many men before him can testify,  is far from a straightforward task.

Flown in the night before from his new Irish routes, Benny cut a proud man as greeted the lads on a beautifully sunny London day. The fact he was 15 minutes late was quickly forgotten as the bus took off on its by now customary route down the A3 towards Leatherhead. It didn't take long for the banter to start flying around, the Sears brothers on the receiving end of the majority of flack. Sears senior, for turning up in an outfit resembling a cross between Rupert Bear and Supergran. Sears junior, for being Abliut's newest recruit. Suggestions poured in for the new man's initiation, most of which is unpublishable!

Leatherhead Golf Club was the scene for last year’s summer meeting, where Simon “that’s me I am safe on 24 points lads” James, was left red faced (literally after India’s hottest filtered into his intestine) after succumbing to superman against all the odds. Would he learn from his misplaced confidence?


Gathering on the first tee, it was hard to pick out this meeting's winner. Stanny, sporting a new pair of golf shoes, bizarrely laced down one side; more Wayne Rooney than Wayne Grady, quietly fancied his chances having put a practise round in the week before. Could our new member pull off a victory on his debut. When asked if he feared superman, he replied “batman actually”. Cheek!

The skip got us under way at 11.50am and off we trudged. Following the second group down the first hole was like being on safari, so little time did we spend on the fairway. Any more holes like this and you could put a strong case in for a refund on the green fee. The trio duly responded with three blobs. Nice start lads!

The final group, however, got off to a flyer with Sears and Ford both sinking 15 foot putts. No doubt an extra 30 feet were put on these putts in the post match bar stories.


 Prior to tee off, each group was assigned a pace-maker; not for the heart mind you, but judging by the way some of the lads huffed and puffed round the course, it won’t be long. England were playing Ireland at 5pm and time was not on our side, particularly as Abliut rounds are known to last longer than Marlon Brando!

As the round progressed, Ben Sears was rumoured to be accumulating points at quite a rate. This, for a newcomer, was unacceptable and had to be addressed. The treasurer decided to take the matter into his own hands and screwed a fairway shot almost at right angles, clocking Sears junior on the top of the arm. Later on the bus journey home, Sears junior was even told it was his fault for being in the way. Extraordinary!

The skip was struggling, all those hours practising on Ireland's best courses had failed to pay off as he found points hard to come by. His saving grace was that Richie Humphreys had failed to make the tee off time.



 Richie eventually turned up, fresh from a 10 hour bender and took his place on the course, launching a drive straight down the fairway; a lesson to any aspiring young golfer out there: Prepare well and you will reap your rewards.

As the rounds drew to a close, one clear winner was emerging. Stanny’s attempt to put Sears junior in his place had failed. He was clear of the field and was going to take the trophy on his debut appearance. At the other end of the field, Stan was having a tough day, the Skip was continuing to find the going tough, and Richie was picking up points, whilst at the same time trying to pick up unsuspecting over 70s lady members.

The rounds finished in record Abliut time, perhaps prompted by the rugby game now being screened in the clubhouse and we settled down to watch England get an unexpected pasting. Disappointed by the result, but determined not to let it spoil proceedings, we boarded the bus and headed back in quiet contemplation towards London. No we didn’t! Roly did his customary tribal chant, singing erupted, the winner was forced to drink beer from his golf shoe,

 and Bob, getting more and more feisty after his lager shandy, told the whole society he was ready to “take you all on”. On to the prizes. Longest drive: Stan (was that not meant to be highest?). Closest to pin: Not sure. Dick of the day: Stan for clocking Ben on the arm, who was still being blamed for being in the way. Captain’s prize: Richie Humphries.

Nazmin's curry house in Earlsfield, an old haunt for Abliut evenings, was the setting for the evening's entertainment. It didn't take long for the cobras to pick up pace. Bob, steadily getting more and more excitable, suddenly launched into a rant, the like not seen since Kevin Keegan told Fergie: “I’d love it if we beat them”. Surely enough, with the poppadoms barely cracked, Bob’s seat had been vacated and he’d done his customary runner. Things don’t change.

As the evening wore on, Bob wasn't the only one to be feeling the effects, the skip at the far end of the table was looking more and more dishevelled, but seemingly content. “For better for worse” - He, like many, were looking definitely worse for ware. “For richer for poorer” - No question on this one, this is Abliut.

“Til death do us part”- Only another 8 months of 2011 to go Benny. Marriage will be a breeze compared to this. Keep up the good work!

Winter Abliut 2010 - Report from Ed Renshaw

Autumn Meeting 2010

Seven points was all that separated top from bottom in the last Abliut meeting of the year. James Davis continued his extraordinary run of three wins in four outings, seeing off a late challenge from the man from St Georges, HQ. Down the other end, Richie Humphries claimed the coveted bottom position, earning his first taste of superman.

Marguerita Loco, a lively Mexican restaurant in the heart of Battersea, was the venue for the evening’s entertainment. This lively, Sombrero wearing spot lies a short distance from the Duke of Cambridge pub, the setting for some of Abliut’s most eye opening experiences in recent years.

 Mexican food is widely renowned for its spicy texture, but the lads didn’t need the sizzling fajitas and clouds of smoke to spice up what was a lively AGM, the fire had already been lit in the bellies of those in attendance by the increasingly frequent rounds of tequila. Memories flooded back of Abliut’s inaugural AGM back in 1999 at the Plough pub in Surrey. On that occasion, the AGM took place long after the booze had replaced rational thought with gibberish nonsense, the minutes of the meeting discovered the next morning on the back of a wine stained beer mat, crumpled up in the confines of someone’s pocket. Unlike Browny on that famous night, the boys kept awake throughout this year’s AGM. Good improvement!

First up for discussion, new members. Commitment to the spirit of Abliut is the main characteristic looked for in potential recruits and two new members were deemed to possess this key asset. Ben Sandford-Smith, a psychology teacher from Hailebury, was the first man up. He will certainly have his work cut out in psycho-analysing this excitable and often unpredictable group. Next up, Sears junior. Ben that is, not Sam. Who knows how long it will be though before young Samuel joins the fray and Searsy goes to work on building a family dynasty within the confines of this famous institution. One thing appears certain, young Olivia Stanley is unlikely to be joining Abliut any time soon.

Next up, a proposed Ryder Cup format event. Out-going captain, Dave Wright, sent mouths salivating and tongues wagging as he proposed a Ryder Cup style event against a fellow society, scheduled for next May. The very thought of this raised excitement levels around the table, with another round of tequilas ordered in a bid to contain the frenzy that was developing. “We need kit for this” yelled one of the boys. “No, we need a different outfit for each of the two days of the competition” insisted another. The treasurer then entered the fray, “Yes, we must throw money at this one, money is not an issue.” When have we heard this before, possibly the time one drunken evening a few years back when it was decided that it would be a good idea to buy a property together.

It was agreed the Cup would take place over two days, with a couple of courses deemed worth of hosting such an event, namely Valderama and Augusta. The excitement around the table was by now palpable at the thought of such an occasion. Not since an Abliut 11 donned their cricket whites and took on the world at the Bank of England, has such camaraderie been observed. Imagine the experience, the tension, the drama, the hopes and dreams. Imagine a Renshaw / Wright combination coming down the last, playing the Graham McDowell role, needing a point to win the Cup for the Abliut!

It was suggested this was a big enough event to secure a sponsor, television rights were not discussed, but I imagine they will be. Managing Director, Simon James, was told he would be foolish to pass up the opportunity for his newly set up company to sponsor the Abliut team. A better branding opportunity and the chance to align his company with such distinguished professionals couldn’t be missed, he was keenly told.

Finally, it was on to the change of captaincy. Dave was congratulated for his contribution and commitment throughout what had been a very good year. He bid farewell. Benny Bayley was voted in as the new captain. Benny, a part time stand up comedian, will need all his wit to handle this bunch. The young man, who has relocated to Ireland in a bid to improve his links golf, possesses all the attributes needed to be a fine captain and we look forward to his year at the helm.

Another good year draws to a close, however next year promises to be a cracker. A Ryder Cup win for the Abliut, you wouldn’t bet against it!


EDITS: ALso brought up by Bob Ford, was the eed to a new Abliut log. It was sucessfully argued that the 8 balls on the Abliut logo did not represent the now core 16 man unit. Whilst this wasnt apprecitated by the creator of the original logo, Mr J Stanley,  it was democratically voted in to re-visit the logo and make suggestions for a new one.

To make this happen a Sub-Committee was agreed, Chaired by Bob Ford with Roland White, Mat Sears and James Stanley also voted in. We wait in anticipation..!

J. Davis wins Winter Abliut 2010..again..

In what is fast becoming something of a joke, James Davis once again walked away with the Abliut trophy, after hitting 20 on the back 9 to amass a score of 34. That's 3 wins out of 4 events..! Well done Jim.

 Superman was awarded to Mr R. Humphries who hit a respectable 24, and 5 putted on the 14th..!

 The evening was hosted at a Mexican restaurant in Battersea with the AGM taking up most of the shouting. Discussed at the AGM were:

1) Membership - new and existing

2) New Captaincy

3) New fixture - "Ryder Cup" style match

4) Logo and branding

5) Kit

2 new members were voted in, Mr B.J Sears, and Mr B. Sandford-Smith. And Mr Ben Bayley was voted in as the new Captain.

More to follow.....

Winter 2010 announced at The Drift on 16/10/10

That's right folks, hot on the heals of the Summer Abliut at The Leatherhead, our illustrious skiper, Mr D.C.F Wright has booked the team into The Drift, a challenging and long course in Surrey.

The Drift, East Horsley, Surrey KT24 5HD


Rumours abound that the committee are going to get tough on non attendence and non-payers, but perhaps that's just scare tactics. Overseas members aside, the numbers are looking relatively healthy.  So let's see... 

There's also much excitement about whether Simon "i'll never be Superman" James will retain the Superman title, how many shots will be cut from, well anyone who annoys Stan, and who might walk away with the trophy.

With beers now flowing on the bus and over lunch BEFORE the match begins the event is l


Report from the day to follow..


Jim Davis wins Summer Abliut 2010

Jim Davis wins, and the Mr "im never going to be Superman" Simon James loses. 

Reporting from the day, non playing scribe - E.C.F Renshaw


Abliut, May 15th 2010

New captain, new format, new course, same old banter. This was Abliut at its finest. 
Greeted by a visibly proud looking new captain David Wright, fresh from a short trip to Rio in preparation for his first official outing as skipper, we boarded the stylish jet black bus and headed off on a familiar route down the A3 towards Leatherhead Golf Club. 
Spirits were high amongst the boys as beers were keenly passed around, a measure of the new skipper's apparent emphasis on restoring the focus of the day back to serious golf. Even the usually focused six time champion Searsy gratefully obliged. 
After a Cordon Bleu lunch of the highest quality and no little wine, attention turned to the serious matters of the day, the golf. Handicap allocation has always been a contentious issue, leading to often fiery exchanges. This meeting didn’t disappoint. Searsy’s handicap slashed to 9, much to the amusement of the group, eagerly waiting the by now customary reaction of disbelief. Browny increased to 29, the first time in Abliut history a handicap has gone up. No wonder he smirked quietly in the corner.  
Then it was off to the first tee. The lads huddled around for pre-match photographs, eager to show off their golfing attire, Nevsy sporting Abliut branded socks pulled tightly up, more Anne Summers than St. Andrews. Plenty of Abliut tops were also proudly on display. 
The newly elected skipper prepared to kick off proceedings, sizing up the mass of daunting looking trees lining the right hand side of the fairway. Even tiger's first comeback shot at this year's masters in front of millions fails to compare to the opening shot of an Abliut competition. Dave though brushed the pressure aside, smashing the ball a full 30 yards splitting the fairway in two and surpassing every player's primary goal, the ladies tee. Great start skips. I think deep down he would have settled for that, as would we all.

Everyone settled into their rounds, some enjoying early fortunes, others scrapping for points wherever they could pick them up.

Brief blank in the day, whilst the author popped into the club house to watch the cup final……

As the round drew to a close, rumors spread that Stanny was in the box seat. Furthermore news fed through of Benny Bayley’s incredible turn around after a miserable first nine. Staring defeat in the face, sheer will power and commitment to the Abliut shirt must have pulled him through. Abliut continues to have an extraordinary impact on the lives of these fine young competitors. Brainsy on the other hand, having reached a usually insurmountable 24 points was heard to make the remark, “that’s me safe lads, I am home and dry”. Little did he know how events might unfold in the coming hours. This is Abliut, competitors rarely show their hand. Would Brainsy’s prediction of 24 points equals safety be true according to the scores being banded around the course. Time would tell.

The last group finally completed their round, a record four and a half hour round, not bad for a four ball. Daves ambled up towards where the rest of the players were enjoying the last of the afternoon sun and a well earned beer. Unaware of how many points he had amassed; his card was starting to be dallied up. “35 points”, came a yelp. Stanny, in the middle of thinking up his victory speech, slumped, his face telling the full story. A precious victory had been snatched from him. Next for the more important conclusion, that of Superman. Searsy, sitting somewhat calmly in the club house on 26 points was all but resigned to being superman, a sight fellow Ablutions have dreamed off since the creation of the society over ten years ago, yet the final group had yet to complete and thoughts of a possible place off surfaced, rekindling nasty memories of the epic Renshaw V Wright rumble in the golf course jungle a few years previously. On that occasion Renshaw’s sheer bravery of opting for a putter half way down the fairway proved to good a tactical move for his opponent.

Brainsy’s complexion altered considerably on realizing he in fact was heading for superman, not half as much as his complexion would change later in the curry house I might add.  The days of mid table security in Abliut competition seemingly over for ever, with 24 points the highest recorded losing score in history. This was unfamiliar territory for the man from Battersea.

After a brief stopover at the Halfway House, we made our way across the road to Nazim’s curry house. Aware of the rabble Ablutions become on an Abliut night, the smiling staff quickly ushered us past their more valued customers and hid us in a room out the back, well away from public ears and thankfully later on, eyes.

As a reward for propping up the scoreboard, Brainsy took to the task valiantly of tucking into the hottest India could offer. Initially I thought this was somewhat of a let off considering the embarrassment and humiliations I and many others have faced up to when donning the superman outfit in nightclubs and restaurants across London, however as Brains’s complexion quickly turned, his head lowering and sweat began to pour off his brow, I thought again. This was some punishment.

Richie Humphrey’s suffered the same fate as a result of his late pull out the day before, but with typical exuberance he lapped up the opportunity to take centre stage, before seizing the opportunity to lower one of his testicles into a flaming zambuka. It was quite an entrance to the fold from the shy and introverted young man from Hampshire, more accustomed to a quiet night in with the dog. 

Someone then took the breaks off. Shots of all colours and combinations flowed, the banter intensifying. An argument broke out over who played the most girly instrument at prep school. This was now Abliut in full swing as insults were traded across the table and the noise frequency trebled.

As the clock struck 12, I said my goodbyes and headed for the exit. It had been another cracking day for the Abliut society. The banter hadn’t changed, with the same old jokes and stories and rows over handicaps persisting with increasing purpose. Nor will it ever change. Neither however will the bonds of friendship developed on the course and in the bar on these most enjoyable days. Long may it continue! 



8/04/10 -message from the Captain - D.C.F Wright: REAL Summer Abliut announced


Good to see no one fell for the  April fools day joke below..! Anyhow, great day planned for 15th May. Please read my message below: 


ABLIUT – Spring Meeting 2010

Gents and Scholars

It gives me great pleasure to announce the details of the first Abliut meeting of 2010:

Course:                Leatherhead Golf Club

Date:                    Saturday 15th May


The plan:  

11.15am Meet at the Car park behind Clapham Junction Stationfor Mini Bus transportation to the Course.

12.15 Lunched booked with a few stiffeners thrown in courtesy of the kitty.

12.45 - Handicaps announcement and likely ensuing bar brawl

14.00  - 1st Group, led by Yours Truely to tee off.

After stroking / choking our way around Leatherhead (delete as appropriate) we will reconvene in the Club house bar for a quick drink and prizes before our Mini Bus takes us back to Clapham Junction (with a few tinnies thrown in for good measure) –

20.00 - Arrive home

At that point the formalities will be over - I will be booking a local-ish curry house for the evening and everyone is encouraged to come but it will not be an official party of the days festivities and if you have a thumb to get back under there is the opportunity to duck out.


Costs:                    All in, this day of unbridled fun (Golf, Lunch, Mini Bus but not curry) will cost £80 per head (£23 plus lunch if you are not playing golf).


Admin:                 Please can you have a look at the menu options below and let me know your choices for lunch on 15th. All those I don’t hear from will be getting Chicken and Chips followed by Chocolate Mousse. Also, please can you all let me know whether you think you might be coming out for the curry afterwards so I can get an idea of numbers.


Menu options

Main Courses

Home cooked Ham, Egg and chips

Beef & Ale pie

Roast Chicken, chips & peas


Fruit Crumble with Custard

Chocolate Mousse


Freshly Brewed Coffee and Tea with Chocolates served after dessert



Really looking forward to my Abliut return – see you gentlemen on 15th if not before!


El Capitan

“Bringing greatness together”


1/4/10:Abliut Summer 2010 Tournament Announced

O Captain, My Captain. 

Mr Wright's inaugral Abliut has got off to a blinding start with details of the the Spring/Summer trophy being unveiled today. Note from our captain below: 



New format this year guys. I've listened to a lot of you, and reckon the new style is going to be a winner. Importantly, FUN, and lots of it is the focul point on our agenda.

D.C.F Wright. 

What: Abliut Spring/Summer trophy 2010

Where:  Multiple stops of fun

11.00am  Meet at Legends Windmill City, Crazy Golf - Hook, Hampshire. The format will be the usual teams of 4 players. Handicaps apply ! A round should take no more than 45 minutes, so plently of time to get back and ready for the prize giving and entertainment. 


17.00 Massage, relaxation and prize giving - Chariots, Vauxhall


 23.00 VIP at Streatham's Ceasars Wine bar- "Fight Night"



03.00am Illegal Warehouse Rave - Poplar: Apparently the music is great. Phil Collins, Eurythmics, Sinita etc. Also - If we wear our Abliut ties we get a free hit of "poppers". 


 So - Chaps of Abliut. I hope you are all in. Numbers look good, so it should be a great opportunity to catch up with everyone, talk golf, and dance. See you all there. Your trusted captain. D.C.F Wright. 


9/11/09: Message from the Captain: D.C.F Wright

To do great things is difficult; but to command great things is more difficult.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Fellow Abliutians,


With Browny’s reign as captain over and his promise of “making Abliut great again” fulfilled, it falls upon me, your new leader, to carry on his good work into the next decade.


By keeping it simple, Browny restored Abliut to the glory days of old and I must congratulate him on making the difficult look easy.


With a less that 100% attendance record in recent times, I was perhaps not the obvious candidate for Captain but I promise I will approach this responsibility with the same gusto I once approached a deep pan pizza. My reign will heed the lessons of captains past and add the “wisdom” of one who has worn the cape. I have great plans for our great society and will do everything in my power to ensure Abliut will forever be....

 ...Bringing Greatness Together


Together with all our hearts


El Capitan




8/11/09 - Winter event- Players summary- Bob Ford

 I picked up d*ck of the day for jiggling coins in my pocket when Mat was addressing the ball! It was a response to his defiant fairway stances and clearly in vain BUT I did land myself a Bert & Ernie head cover - result.
It was a brilliant Abliut with another fine and effortless performance from Mr Sears which was, of course, greeted with unimpeachable magnanimity by the membership. Cun gave him a good run, and drove the ball like a God, but it wasn't enough.
Rich turned up in the evening with a stripper but we all declined private dances in favour of polite tittle-tattle.

Same sh*t really.

8/11/09 - Editor's news update - Summer Abliut news and result

Silvermere played host to the Summer Abliut 2009, and what a ripper. A tough course produced some lowly scoring from the Abliut, with much of the competition being payed out at the bottom of the leaderboard.

The course itself was tight, but very slow. Silvermere is known for being a popular pay and play, but depsite the course itself being in good nick, with the greens in playable condition, Groups up ahead inevitably led to the 5hour 45 min round for the 9 players and 1 spectator who turned up.

 The skipper, Mr Brown, led the way with a well timed iron shot of the 1st tee, but his fellow colleagues in Group 1 didnt play as straight. From then on in it was a battle to score points. Groups 2 and 3 quickly joined up to make a single 6 ball, given the slow play. Messrs White and Bayley duked it out for Superman up until the 17th hole when they were almost neck and neck on about 16 points. Bayley, first on the 17th tee calmly played his tee shot over the water, landing pin high, right green on the 160yd Par 3. Mr White, sensing the imending ring of fire (Superman has to eat a Faal as fine), topped his into the water.

Meanwhile Mr Sears and Cunis were playing for the win. Sears took a 2 point advantage onto the 18th, and despite his approach finding water, managed to fight for a bogey, to finish with 35, against Mr Cunis 34.

Demonstrating the requirement for Handicap investigation, Mr Stanley came third with 25 points. The delightful day on the course was completed with a quick beer at the clubhouse, the invariable Winner announcement, which saw Mr Cunis take longest drive (a whopper) and nearest the pin as well as Mr Sears taking the overall trophy, which on announcement was met with "Boos and hisses" .  The drink was quickly completed with the annual "where's the trophy" debate taking around 14 minutes, and the finger being pointed at Mr Humphreys.  Other convesations of note was the controversey on the should he, shouldnt he for Mr Richard Humphreys repuest to bring his German girlfriend. 

Dinner started at Nasmin's on Northcote Road, Clapham Junction, at 8.00 and good curry, fine banter and a very hot Faal for Mr White were washed down with flagons of lager and bottles of Wine. The suggestion that Mr Dave Wright should be kicked out of Abliut for not turning up for previous 5 meetings were quickly dismissed when he arrived and volunteered himself to be Captian for 2010. This was all agreed and the new captain was sworn in.

On request, the treasurer, Mr Stanley, gave an update of accounts, which was universally agreed to be at least £2k short of where it should be. That said, Mr Stanley pointed out many of the accusers hadnt even paid their £40 annual subs, so expertly excused himself from criticism.  

It was formally agreed that:

1) We have about £1500 currently in the bank, and once all have paid what is owed (you know who you are) will have about £1800

2) £500 of premium bonds will be purchased by the treasurer from Abliut funds and held in the hope we win the jackpot. Which, if won, would go back into the Abliut account, and depending on how large, held there for future investment, or shared equally betwwen those who have paid subs.

3) Handicaps need to be reset - New captain and Tresurer to examine and recalibrate to make it more competitive

4) New membership wasnt even discussed

5) And of course Dave Wright, rather than being sacked for poor attendence, was made Captain.. Glorious..!

6) Agreed that we purchase so the website is easier to find..! (And so it appears on google) - £20 / yr.

So, a great day all round, although it was noted that "winning isnt all its cracked up to be..!"...

Long live abliut.  


21/09/09: message from the captain: Abliut Winter Meeting - Update

Chaps – all booked for the 24th October. After the democracy that I tried to install the other week we have settled on Silvermere, because we couldn’t get into Old Thorns after all that. It’s closer and there’s shed loads of water, joy!

Tee times are booked for 12pm (honestly this time) and bacon sandwiches / coffee is being laid on beforehand so recommend you get there at least 30/45 minutes beforehand to warm ourselves up in the club house. Clocks change the following weekend so time shouldn’t be a problem.

Please can you now make a payment of £37.50 to the Abliut account (those people cc’d are not playing):



Address: Silvermere Golf complex, Redhill Road, Cobham, Surrey KT11 1EF


More details to follow on the evening but will follow similar format to what we got up to last time - this time with a slightly more sober captain at the helm!

 Your Captain

making Abliut great again’


07/09/09 - Abliut kit update

Chaps, unfortunately I have not yet been able to order new kit. I have , however come up with some stonking new ideas for a new, distinguished look and welcome feedback:

1) Blazers: How smart would the fraternity look all dressed in the Abliut "regatta" look ? A lot, thats how much. Not out of place on the Milan catwalk, just imagine Abliut colours striped down a classic English blazer. It could even be adourned with a pocket badge featuring the Abliut  "coat of arms". For the classic "sports casual" look, which oozes the statement "Yes, I know, I am a fashion leader".




2) Order of Service medals: Just imagine how proud you would feel hard earned stripes at the abliut meetings ? An Order of Service medals to be awarded by the Captian ? One for all Abliut members, Distinction medals for past winners etc. All to be worn on the collar of the regular or even new sports jacket. 



3) New style ties: For the very modern gentleman ? 


A Note from the Captain - Jim Brown


After 10 years in the society and an ‘exemplary’ attendance record at match days it was a huge honour to step up as Captain of Abliut and lead the men off from the 1st.

The first meeting of the year was a great start on the road to rebuilding the previous levels of enthusiasm for the society and I trust we can reinforce this over the years ahead. We got 10 people out at Coulsdon Court, the course where Abliut was born 10 years prior with only 8 members. I’m pleased to say that those 8 original members are still looking strong on the courses of south east England and our numbers have now swelled to an impressive 18. Andrew Cunis can be delighted with an excellent display to take the trophy on the day, with myself picking up the longest drive prize (several members being unable to deal with the large oak tree that was unexpectedly placed in the middle of the fairway), Simon James picked up closest to the pin and Roly White once again stepping up to the plate as Superman (always a worthy winner).

Off the back of such a great day out I look forward to the autumn meeting and plans are already starting to take shape, make sure to put the provisional date of 24th October into your diaries - or use the useful countdown clock on the web sidebar -  and more details will follow shortly.

There’s also the promise of 10 year anniversary kit (kit manager dependent), so much to look forward to.... 

Your Captain


‘making Abliut great again’



Abliut News

25/08/09: Website going live soon....Abliutians, please send in youe news stories to go up..!

Abliut Boardroom




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